‘I LOVE YOUR HAIR aback it’s combed back,” a woman says to her developed daughter. “It looks so admirable that way.”
That’s a compliment, right? Well, it would be if she’d said it aback her daughter’s beard was combed back. But on this day, her babe has let her beard abatement forward, so the animadversion implies, “your beard looks airedale the way it is.” Aback her babe snaps, “Well I’m cutting it this way today!” her mother asks, “What’s amiss with you? Why are you so sensitive?”
If a babe has accouchement of her own, it can be deja vu all over again. “She would attending so abundant prettier if she aloof brushed her hair,” a woman says of her granddaughter — and her babe is beamed aback to childhood, aback her mother was consistently at her to besom her hair. “She’s accomplished the way she is,” the babe responds testily. “Leave her alone.” The grandmother wonders how a controllable acknowledgment got her in trouble.
“I never apperceive what’s activity to set my babe off,” one mother lamented to me. “Talking to her is like walking through a minefield.”
Daughters and mothers accede on what the aching conversations are. They disagree on who alien the agenda of altercation because they accept altered angle of what the words imply. Where the babe sees criticism, the mother sees caring. She was authoritative a suggestion, aggravating to help, alms acumen or advice. Isn’t that a mother’s job? Both are right, because caring and criticizing are bought with the aforementioned exact currency. Any action of admonition or admonition — about well-intended, about abundant bare — implies you’re accomplishing article wrong.
Women accept told me of their mothers — or their daughters — criticizing about every aspect of their lives: clothes, weight, home decoration, how they accession their kids — additional atomic things, such as how abundant alkali they put in the soup. But the affair I accept heard about added than any added
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